Must Love Dogs ( w/John Cusack and Diane Lane)

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ZZZZZZ......

Batman Begins

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First off, what's up with Katie Holmes? Why is she dating Tom Cruise? If I ever run into her, I'll say, "Wassup, Holmes?"

Christian Bale (of hay) is probably the best Batman I've seen. I remember back when Alex Keaton was playing Batman. Wait a minute, it was Michael Keaton. Who the heck is Alex Keaton? Anyway, back then my home phone number was one digit different then the local drive-in called the Starlite. I received a call from someone asking what was playing. It didn't seem to phase him that I answered, "Hello", instead of, "Starlite Drive-In. This is the Laughing Cowbladder. How may I help you?" So he asked what was playing and I just told him Batman was playing. Then he asked what the cost was. I told him it was $10 a head. After a bit of a pause, I said, "Plus $15 for the car." I heard silence for a while then, "Okay, wow." I'm thinking the caller skipped the drive-in. The Doofdaddy suggested it would have made things even more interesting if I told him that he could get a major discount if he drove up to the box office, held up a bat and yelled, "I'm going to bat-bash you!"

But this new movie is great!

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

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This was a good movie. The special effects get better and better and the acting, well….the special effects get better and better. The lava planet was pretty cool but I’m thinking these Jedi are sure able to handle heat. It reminds me of that saying “if you can’t stand the kitchen, then get the heck out” or something like that.

In my review of Episode II, I stated that Mark Hammil and Carrie Fischer would need some serious makeup to look younger. Boy did Lucas come through. They looked like babies! And boy does Alec Guinness (Stout) look young.

Anny (Get Your Light Saber) Skywalker is still a whiney needy mess. His love for his wife is admirable until he starts hacking people up in hopes of keeping her alive. Padme is as beautiful as ever especially when dead since we don’t have to listen to the remarkably boring love dialogue between her and Skywalker.

Yoda gets smacked around a little by the Emperor but surprisingly has no bumps, bruises, or abrasions to show for it. I can’t say the same for the Emperor. After a run in with Mace Window, he looks like he needs some serious ointment for his face.

Spoiler Warning: Spock dies!

Phantom of the Opera

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No, not the Lon Cheney version. I'm talking Andrew Lloyd Webber. You know, the new color version. I haven't actually seen the movie but I did go to the live version years ago in Seattle. There was a big chandelier that came crashing down over the audience in the middle of the theater. I imagine this is accomplished in the movie with 3D effects and those blue and red glasses. Also, as I recall, the Doofdaddy's better half had her hair specially styled for the evening of the live event. It was certainly not an unattractive hair style but it did seem to add an extra six inches to her height. The party immediately behind us could be heard saying they wished they had some hedge trimmers because of the obstructed view. So all in all, I'd say it is probably worth seeing but I can't bump it up to three eyeballs because Robert Guillaume is not part of the cast. Rumor has it he was busy filming a Soap/Benson reunion.

Racing Stripes

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Bill Murray and Harold Lloyd head this up as recruits into the Army. They get involved in one wacky situation after another and hilarity ensues! Oh, wait a minute. My wife informed me that it was Harold Ramis not Harold Lloyd. I guess Harold Lloyd was a silent movie comic. Nonetheless, it is comedy gold as the two make their way through basic training. A classic line in the movie is when John Candy says, "My doctor says I swallow a lot of aggression, along with a lot of pizzas". Um. Now my wife is telling me that the name of the movie I'm thinking of is Stripes not Racing Stripes. I guess Racing Stripes is about a talking zebra and I haven't seen it so never mind.

Star Wars: Episode II

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Great special effects! You can barely see the wires holding the little ships up. Plus the light saber battles are great. It's amazing what the puppeteer does with Yoda. He almost looks real.

But what is it about this film that bugs me? It could be because it's confusing that in Star Wars the Federation is bad but in Star Trek the Federation is good. But maybe it's that there is zero chemistry between Padme Armadillo and Anny Skywalker. Some say it's because of bad casting. I disagree. It was bad writing. I mean Hayden Christiensen is no Cary Grant but I think he would have performed better if his character wasn't such a needy whiney mess. He spends most of the time with Padme begging her to love him. What a wimp. With that script, they may as well have cast Leonardo DiCaprio as Anny. He looks more like the boy from Episode I anyway.

Samuel L. Jackson's performance is decent but it would have been nice to see Windu with more of the elements of Shaft. That Windu is a bad Jedi--shut your mouth!

It will be interesting to see Episode III. Obviously, Padme will die. Boo hoo. Plus we should see the beginnings for Luke Skywalker and Princess Lea. I suppose they will have to do quite a makeup job on Mark Hammil and Carrie Fischer to make them look younger.

National Treasure

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Nicolas Cage stars as Benjamin Franklin Gates, treasure hunter. While this movie doesn’t rise to the level of An Affair to Remember, it is mildly amusing. There is much more to be found in the way of special effects but Cage is hardly in the same league as Cary Grant. Anyway, Cage goes through this movie seeking the greatest treasure the world has ever known thinking discovery is imminent only to find that he has been led to yet another clue he has to figure out. Along the way, he steals the Declaration of Independence (there’s a clue on the back) to prevent it from being stolen. Yes, that’s right. He steals it to prevent it from being stolen. Is that brilliant writing or what?

Jon Voight delivers his best performance since playng Noah in the NBC miniseries, Noah’s Ark. In case you were wondering, Mary Steenburgen is not in this film.

Warning: Eat before seeing this movie. I went on an empty stomach and ate a huge bag of popcorn. I felt sick.

Mrs. Doubtfire

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I give this one eyeball because I saw this movie at the theater and felt ripped off. Robin Williams' character was strange. When he was dressed as a woman doing a children's show, I thought he was creepy. I can't imagine any of my kids watching a show like that. It made Mr. Rogers look riveting. I think comedies should make you laugh out loud at least once. I didn't. Also, this movie is targeted at kids but is rightfully rated PG-13. It's not kid friendly and my kids will not see it. Whatever happened to Mork from Ork? And why isn't Jonathan Winters in this movie. He was on an episode of Scooby Doo I saw recently. You ever notice that Ed Bradley on 60 minutes looks like one of those 1970's G.I. Joe's with life like hair and Kung Fu grip?